Like every other red-blodded American you’ll be sitting in front of a TV, beer in one hand, pizza in the other, ready to watch the Patriots and Seahawks square off in Super Bowl 49. If you’re like me you probably have at least 10 or 11 different bets ready to go for the game. Aside from the normal betting lines, over/unders, player props, you’ll be throwing your hard earned money on the dumb random asinise stuff like the National Anthem length, coin flip, and the color of Katy Perry’s hair. There’s no greater thrill than betting the rent on the color of a pop star’s hair when she performs at halftime. It’s what separates the men from the boys.
The Super Bowl is when we’re gonna thrive. All of the countless & countless & COUNTLESS bets you lost during the fall football season are erased Sunday. Things like betting Ohio State football to win under 10 games and/or betting the Cavs to win over 59 games (I did both of these oops) are nullified once you nail that Gatorade shower color.
Let’s make some money Sunday
The Game
Patriots (-1.5) v Seahawks
OVER/UNDER 47.5
I don’t think Belichick & Brady lose 3 Super Bowls in a row. No way no how. With all the bullshit that’s been surrounding them the past 2 weeks I think they come out strong and win pretty handily.
Pick: Patriots and OVER
Player Prop Bets
First player to score a touchdown
| Marshawn Lynch | +450 | BET | Rob Gronkowski | +500 | BET |
| LeGarrette Blount | +700 | BET | Julian Edelman | +800 | BET |
| Doug Baldwin | +1,200 | BET | Russell Wilson | +1,200 | BET |
| Brandon LaFell | +1,400 | BET | Shane Vereen | +1,500 | BET |
| Luke Willson | +1,600 | BET | Jermaine Kearse | +1,600 | BET |
| Robert Turbin | +2,000 | BET | Danny Amendola | +2,500 | BET |
| Cooper Helfet | +3,000 | BET | Tom Brady | +3,000 | BET |
| Field (Any Other Player) | +500 | BET | No Touchdown Scored | +15,000 | BET |
I’ve never gotten one of these right so we’ll throw some money on Marshawn Lynch, Julian Edelman, and Shane Vereen.
All Other Prop Bets
OVER/UNDER National Anthem Length
Over- 2 minutes 1 second -140
Under- 2 minutes 1 second EVEN
The anthem is being sung by Idina Menzel (you know, the chick who sings Let It Go from Frozen)
Here’s her rendition at the 2014 All Star game. As you can see she’s SLOW. Dragging out notes, dramatic pauses, all that jazz. In her All-Star game rendition she was 1 minute 59.44 seconds. That’s just for the MLB All Star game which has what, like 1,000 viewers? The Super Bowl is the biggest stage in the world and Idina is gonna milk this thing.
Pick: OVER
Coin Toss
Haven’t gotten a coin toss wrong since Rams-Patriots.
Pick: TAILS
Which coach will be mentioned first after kickoff?
Which coach will be shown first on TV after kickoff?
Belichick -150 (both)
Pete Carroll +110 (both)
The beginning of the game is always about Belichick. It doesn’t matter who gets the ball first it’s going to be “And let’s see what Bill Belichick and the Patriots can do on offense” or “let’s see what Bill Belichick and the Patriots can do on defense.” This Super Bowl is all about Bill and the Patriots, don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Pick: Belichick for both bets
Bill Belichick hoodie style
Sleeves: +145
Sleeves cut: -185
The game is being played in a climate controlled environment. Everyone is saying no sleeves. You know Bill is aware of this prop bet and you know he’s aware that the cut sleeves are the favorite. This is why I’m picking sleeves. Bill is gonna give everyone the middle finger and stick it to the public once again.
Pick: Sleeves
Will “Uptown Funk” be used in a Super Bowl commercial?
Yes: +500
No: -100
You can’t walk five feet without hearing Bruno Mars belting out “Dont believe me just watch!” This song is EVERYWHERE. You know some commercial or movie trailer that’s shown in the third or fourth quarter will have it as their background music. This right here is my bet of the day. Hammer it.
Pick: YES
How many viewers will the game have
Over 113 million: -300
Under 113 million: +200
Here are the viewership numbers for the past 5 Super Bowls
- 44- 106 million
- 45- 111 million
- 46- 111.3 million
- 47- 108.4 million
- 48- 111.5 million
It’s been hovering in the 111-111.5 million range the past 4 years and I think this 2 week layoff that the NFL does kinda makes the game lose some momentum. However, with all the social media, with deflategate being a national talking point, and with Katy Perry performing at halftime, this game is going over 113 million.
Pick: OVER 113 million viewers
Katy Perry’s first song
Firework (3-2); Roar (3-2); This is How We Do (5-1); Dark Horse (12-1); E.T. (12-1); Wide Awake (12-1); Waking Up in Vegas (20-1)
Everyone and their mother is picking Roar but I don’t see it as a good opening song. I feel like Roar is more of a “rising action” song that builds to the climax (last song) which will undoubtedly be Firework. Wide Awake has that it factor, it just sounds like an opener to me.
Her last 10 shows have opened with Roar (yes I researched). You think she’s going to open with the same setlist she’s been using? Get the hell out of here. This is the Super Bowl, she’s switching things up… If it’s not Wide Awake then E.T. is another strong candidate as well.
Pick: Wide Awake
Will Katy Perry show cleavage?
Yes -500
No +350
Tens of millions of men across the United States will be heartbroken if it’s a no. Therefore it SHOULD be a yes. Do the right thing, Katy. Let ’em breathe.
Pick: YES
Katy Perry’s hair color
Black/Brown (2-1); Pink/Red (3-1); Blue/Green (3-1); Blonde (4-1); Purple (5-1)
It’s either going to be normal black/brown or purple. I don’t like the 2/1 odds for black so I’m going with purple.
Pick: PURPLE
A commercial will feature under-inflated footballs
Yes: +1,000
No: -1,000
Admittedly I don’t think that any commercial using Deflategate as a joke will sneak past the NFL but these odds are just too good to pass up. You’ve gotta throw a couple of bucks on yes and hope for a big payout.
Pick: YES
Gatorade Shower Color
- Orange 3/2
- Yellow 5/2
- Clear/Water 3/1
- Blue 13/2
- Red 15/2
- Green 12/1
Essentially this comes down to which team you think is going to win and what color Gatorade you think they’ll be drinking for the game. I’m picking the Patriots to win. In their past 3 Super Bowl wins they’ve had clear, and then twice have had no Gatorade bath because Belichick hates fun… I don’t know why but I’m leaning red. Wildcard, bitches.
Pick: Red
Who will the MVP thank first?
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Teammates
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8/5
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God
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2/1
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Fans/City
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6/1
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Owner
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12/1
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Coach
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15/1
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Family
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15/1
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Does not mention any of the above
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5/2
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Again, this bet focuses mostly on who you think will win the game. If the Patriots win I think the MVP will be Brady or Gronk. Brady is 100% going to thank his teammates or the organization while Gronk will probably thank Fireball whisky or the person who invented 69’ing.
If you think the Seahawks will win, Russell Wilson is a good pick for MVP. He’s undoubtedly thanking God. Now if the Seahawks win we have to pray that Marshawn Lynch somehow wins the MVP and thanks himself or just doesn’t talk at all.
Pick: Teammates
Bottlegate 