Tag Archives: Ohio

Buckeyes

Buckeyes Re-Up Their Bosa Subscription

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From ESPN.com:

“Nick Bosa, the No. 3-ranked prospect in the country, is following a familiar path.

The five-star prospect, who is the No. 1-ranked defensive end in the Class of 2016, committed to Ohio State on Thursday morning, ending a recruitment that seemed destined for the Buckeyes since it began.

The 6-foot-3, 265-pound Bosa, who attends St. Thomas Aquinas in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, selected Ohio State over Florida State and Florida following unofficial visits to Gainesville and Tallahassee last week.

The top-ranked prospect in the state of Florida becomes the 17th commitment for the Buckeyes, who boasted the No. 3-ranked class by RecuitingNation prior to Bosa’s pledge. Included in the Buckeyes’ star-studded class is No. 1-ranked running back Kareem Walker and nine more ESPN 300 prospects.

With Bosa, Ohio State is poised to possibly land the top 2016 class come signing day. The Buckeyes still have a number of targets still on the board, including No. 1-overall Rashan Gary, No. 23 Antwuan Jackson, No. 121 Damar Hamlin, No. 147 Jordan Fuller and No. 155 Luke Farrell, among others.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hahahahahahahahaha. Lol. This is like towards the end of the night when you’re sitting on the hot seat in poker and all your friends are pissed that you keep winning and you peek down at pocket rockets after your buddy just went all-in. Or when you return your fifth first half interception for 6 in Madden to go up 49-0 and you see Jimmy just frowning and shaking his head out of your periphs. You don’t want to crack a smile or, god forbid, laugh out loud but it’s damn near physically impossible not to. It’s not even fair how good you are.

Sorry buddy.

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Watch and feel it move:

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ohio

Attention Potheads of Ohio, Nick Lachey from 98 Degrees is your savior.

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From Ohio.com

He used to croon love songs to the masses.

Now, he wants to grow pot in Hudson.

Nick Lachey, a member of the band 98 Degrees and more recently a television actor, is among five investors in a Hudson marijuana grow center, one of 10 that would be created across Ohio under a proposed ballot issue.

 

Wait. What? Jessica Simpson’s ex is investing in a weed grow center in Hudson, Ohio? What is this world coming to? Right when you think you’ve seen it all, you hop on Twitter and you read that the lead singer of 98 Degrees is one of the main catalysts to making pot legal in Ohio. Go nuts you stoners! Have a party you hippies! Welcome to 2015 when former boy band lead singers are leading the charge to being able to get high legally. What a time to be alive!

Can’t think of a better dude for this either. Growing up as a product of the TRL generation, his music video for “I Do” with Ali Landry (Doritos girl) was one of the defining moments of my teenage years. It pretty much made me into the man that I am today. Plus there was that whole marriage to Jessica Simpson thing.

I mean, I don’t even smoke weed but if Nick Lachey is advocating it, then I may have to rethink my entire stance. I’ll probably convince myself that I would end up looking like him too if I started toking up (sans the tattoos).

Can’t wait to get high in Hudson, look like Nick Lachey, and marry Jessica Simpson and Vanessa Minnillo. Someone pass me that blunt.

While we’re at it, let’s check in on Jessica Simpson and see how she’s doing.

Yup. Still got it.

ohio

Armed with a baseball bat & meat-wrapped brick, Springfield man goes postal on neighbors

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From Cleveland.com:

“SPRINGFIELD TOWNSHIP, Ohio — A Springfield Township man is jailed after he smashed three-dozen of his neighbors’ windows with a baseball bat and threw a meat-wrapped brick into a one of the homes, police said.

Timothy Ambach, 43, is charged with two counts of felony vandalism. His bond was set at $10,000 Tuesday at his first appearance in Akron Municipal Court.

Ambach became angry at his neighbors believing they were somehow involved in a motorcycle theft at his Angelterre Boulevard home, Springfield Township Police Sgt. Eric East said.

He broke 34 windows on the residents’ homes, garages and cars. The amount of damage has yet to be totaled but court records say it was more than $10,000. The car at one home was totaled. 

Ambach smashed several large windows and 11 garage windows at his next-door neighbor’s home. He also threw the brick wrapped in meat inside a plastic bag through one window.”

The state of Ohio is a lot of things, friends. But a place that prevents criminals from spreading their creative wings is not one of them.

We had a prisoner escape jail by simply walking out the front door last September. The “fucking commander”, who is not a Cleveland police officer, flashed a Cleveland police badge in order to get out of a $2.25 bus fare a month later. We’ve got strangers hiding in vans and punching women in the stomach, gangsters dropping air conditioning units on 50-year-olds and fugitives on the run for half a century. Ohio is the Silicon Valley of the criminal underworld.

And just when you think you’ve seen it all…..ladies and gentlemen, Timothy Ambach. Unless there’s some cultural reference I’m unaware of, wrapping a brick in meat and firing it through your neighbor’s window is without a doubt the most incredible thing I’ve ever read. The thought process that led up to the weaponization of beef is something I will forever dream about experiencing. He’s the John Nash of temper tantrums. The Isaac Newton of hysterics. Timmy’s the goddamn professor of pandemonium, and class is in session. His fury is next-level.

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PS Police found two pot plants inside his house afterwards. He was also arrested in May for having an unloaded gun and a jar of Mary Jane in his passenger seat after being pulled over.

You broke my heart, Timothy. You broke my heart.