Category Archives: ohio

Akron woman asks for a kiss, then robs 47-year-old man

robface

From Cleveland.com:

“AKRON, Ohio — An Akron woman working with three masked gunmen distracted a 47-year-old man by asking for a kiss shortly before the group robbed him, according to police.

Katie Cozart, 20, is charged with aggravated robbery and aggravated burglary. She is expected to appear Monday in Akron Municipal Court.

Cozart was drinking with two men Aug. 24 at the the 47-year-old man’s apartment in the 1300 block of Goodyear Boulevard. A 65-year-old man left to buy cigarettes.

Cozart, who had been texting someone throughout the night, walked outside and asked the victim for a kiss.

The man went in for a kiss and the three robbers surrounded him. They demanded to know where he kept his money, according to police reports.

The gunmen forced the man and Cozart back into the apartment and ordered them to the ground. The trio stole the man’s PlayStation, cellphone and $100. They ransacked the apartment before driving off in a BMW, according to police reports.”

A woman will make a man do crazy things. Just look at that mugshot. Buzz, your girlfriend.

This weirdo definitely had it coming for having a 20-year-old over his house to drink, let alone leaning in for a peck. That’s for sure. But you always hate to see the PlayStation get involved. Take my eyes but not the PS4.

Overall, net loss for the criminals here. Little weird that the getaway car for this two-bit stickup was a beamer but it makes the end of the story SO much better:

“The 65-year-old man drove on South Goodkirk Street about 80 miles per hour in a 35 zone. He side-swiped two cars at the intersection of East Buchtel Avenue and hit a curb, launching the car into the air.

The car hit a tree in mid-air and flipped upside down, according to police reports. Both men were taken to Akron City Hospital.”

 

PS Tried to snoop this girl’s Facebook after I saw it mentioned in the comments section…couldn’t find it, but this picture popped up when I searched her and it’s weirdly accurate

horse

 

 

 

 

Guy in Youngstown smokes so much weed he calls the cops on himself

From Cleveland19.com:

“YOUNGSTOWN, OH (WOIO) – Police near Youngstown were called to a house Friday by a man who complained he’d gotten too high smoking marijuana.

Austintown Township police found the 22-year-old balled up in a fetal position on the floor. According to the police report, he was groaning and surrounded by snacks like Doritos, Goldfish crackers and Chips Ahoy cookies.

He reportedly told officers he couldn’t feel his hands.

A glass jar of marijuana and paraphernalia was found in the man’s car, police said. So far has not been charged.”


 

“Yes, hello? 911? How much pot can you smoke before you die? Asking for a friend.”

Kids these days. Laying on the floor in the fetal position covered in gluttony is more or less how like 50% of my days on earth have ended. Sack up pal. I’d actually be thankful if I lost feeling in my hands because I wouldn’t be able to shovel any more calories into my suck hole. Chug some water, sleep it off and live to see another day. Or just call the cops on yourself or whatever.

Whoever wrote the police report here deserves some sort of award though. The picture they painted in my brain is nothing short of magnificent.

Oh Look Here’s A Taco Bell Worker Digging In His Butt At A Taco Bell In Sandusky

YUM! Nothing like some cheesy fiesta dingleberries when you make a run for the border. This fella in the photo lost his job which is really the only course of action Taco Bell could have taken. No one wants to eat a poopy Beefy Five Layered Burrito.

With that said, if you eat Taco Bell willingly/not drunk on a Friday or Saturday night, you have to kind of just accept that sometimes there may be some feces particles in your Doritos Locos Tacos. How do you think the seasoned beef is so brown? Why do you think your Quesarito has such a distinct flavor? Really makes you think.

No matter if this gross dude or a normal TB worker prepares your Cheesy Gordita Crunch, there’s still a 95% chance you’re going to have explosive diarrhea within 5 hours of eating it. That’s just a fact.

h/t Cleveland Scene