Tag Archives: beer

VIDEO: Mike Runs The Browns Conditioning Test While Drinking Beer… It Doesn’t Go Well

In order to make the Cleveland Browns and be eligible for training camp each player must pass a conditioning test specific to their position. Offensive & defensive linemen are a group. Linebackers, tight ends, and fullbacks comprise the second group. Defensive backs, wide receivers, and running backs make up the third group.

I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and see if I could cut it and not completely embarrass myself while attempting to pass the test. I didn’t think it would be too tough. I got in touch with a former Browns player (humblebrag city) and tried to iron out the times and distance the players had to run. No one currently with the Browns confirmed this was the test nor got back to me when I asked but I’m confident this is very similar to what the Browns players had to run last week.

I went into the test as a linebacker. The linebackers have to run two sets of ten 50 yard sprints with each sprint being under 6 seconds. Doesn’t sound TOO bad, right? Nah. It was. It was awful.

Instead of doing the test in just shorts and a t-shirt I decided to go the extra mile and wear shoulder pads, a helmet, eye black, a Browns jersey,  and a Deion Sanders bandana to top it off.

It didn’t end there. I’d also be drinking beer in between sprints akin to the “Beer Mile.” In hindsight this was a pretty dumb decision. It’s not exactly easy to run an all out sprint and then be rewarded with 12 ounces of Bud Light.

4 beers.

1 before the first sprint; the second after sprint 5; the third after sprint 10; and the fourth after sprint 15.

Some notes about the video

  • For the most part I was able to stick to the 30 second breaks in between sprints. I did take longer breaks for each beer however.
  • I had a lot of trouble with the fourth beer. That one took the longest to drink.
  • I can assure you that all beers were drank even though it doesn’t show it on tape.
  • We haven’t cut our backyard grass in like a month but before the test I took the lawnmower and buzzed a landing strip to sprint on.
  • Our yard fucking SUCKS. Holes everwhere. Surprised I didn’t break my ankle.
  • My second sprint was the only one that was actually under 6 seconds. By sprints 16 or 17 I was probably around 8 seconds. We stopped keeping time after #11. It got bad.
  • The video camera died after the first 10 sprints. The last 10 sprints are filmed on a phone, that’s why it may seem a little different.

In all this was a terrible decision and I don’t recommend it to anyone else.

“Hey Mike, what’d you do today?”

– “Oh nothing. Just made a video of me drinking beer and running sprints for my friends on the Internet.”

 

 

 

 

The Indians will have SELF SERVING BEER STANDS at their new bar in right field

 

Self… serving… beer… stands? Self serving beer stands? Self serving beer stands.

What’s the worst thing about getting a beer at a bar? The wait. Usually you’ll have to fight your way through a crowd of 21 year olds doing Kamikazee shots or sometime the bartender is blatantly ignoring you even though you’ve made eye contact with her 8 times and have your wallet and credit card in plain sight and no one else is even at the bar… but I digress. This eliminates all that. No having to wait for a bartender. No having to feel like an asshole if you don’t tip when you’ve been waiting for 15 minutes. Just cutting out the middle man and having you pour your own delicious cold beer. The Indians are playing chess while all other Cleveland teams play checkers (or is it the other way around?)

With these new self serving beer stands and the Ohio open container law that’ll pass soon, the Gateway area is going to become an alcoholic’s Shangri La and I for one couldn’t be happier.

More pics of “The Corner”

 

Friday can’t get here soon enough

This may or may not be Johnny Manziel and Josh Gordon pouring beer off of a balcony

johnnyjoshbalcony

Is it them? Could be. Or it could be just some random white guy and random black guy getting turnt at a party and giving some innocent bystanders a beer shower. I don’t know, man. I just don’t know. But since we don’t really abide by “journalistic standards” I figured I’d post it and see what the readers think.

This article was posted along with a 3 second video by @PFTCommenter (best follow on Twitter BTW) on SB Nation. It reads:

The source said they saw Josh Gordon and Johnny Manziel at a “rave” in Austin, TX on Friday night- Manziel was sticking it to Mack Brown by hanging out a window and proving that the words Manziel, Austin, and Safety dont belong anywhere near each other, and Gordon was spraying beer on people down below- spilling beer? Now thats what I call alcohol abuse folks!!! To be honest, the source was still pretty intoxicated on mostlikely several different types of substances when he was discussing the video but- no one can deny this- it obviously looks exactly a little bit like Johnny Manziel and Josh Gordon leaning out of a window.

So take it for what it’s worth. PFTCommenter is a BRILLIANT (and elite) parody account and there’s about an 85% chance we’re getting trolled but whatever.  I reached out to him and this was his reply:

pftcommenter

pftcommenter1

Well, if PFTCommenter says something COULD BE real, there’s without a doubt a 100% chance that it could be real (unless those 2 guys aren’t Johnny Manziel and Josh Gordon otherwise this isn’t real at all and sorry or something)

ElOsoBlanco knows what’s up

elosoblanco

Hi haters, you definitely can’t prove that it’s NOT them!

It definitely wouldn’t surprise me. We all know Johnny loves spraying people with alcohol from time to time. It’s just nice to see him laying low this offseason and staying out of the public eye…

*pulls out gun. puts in mouth*