Don’t worry, guys. There’s going to be a ritual downtown to lift the Cleveland sports curse

Via Cleveland Scene

On Aug. 13 at 7 p.m. (just before the Browns’ first preseason game against the Washington Redskins), a group of fans led by local psychic medium Andrew Keith will hold a 30-minute rally to attempt to lift the curse that’s plagued Cleveland’s sports teams.

The gathering will be organized by Dave Grendzynski, a lifelong Cleveland sports fan who’s convinced that Cleveland’s history of losses have been more than just bad luck.

The Indians, Browns and Cavaliers will be each be represented symbolically by some grass, dirt or other item from their home fields. The rally hopes to aid all Cleveland sports teams, so the Gladiators and the Lake Erie Monsters won’t be left out.


 

OH FUCK YES!

Goodbye curse! Goodbye 4-12 record! Goodbye Factory of Sadness! Goodbye mediocre football!

Hello winning; hello success; hello touchdowns; hello Super Bowl!

If there’s one thing this city hasn’t done to rid themselves of this “curse”  it’s gathering downtown and participating in some sort of black devil magic ritual.  I’ll gladly show up in robes and face paint and slaughter an animal if need be. If we need pig’s blood I know a farm a couple of cities away where I could get some. What I’m saying is that I’M SO IN.

Maybe this is all we’ve needed since 1964? Just a nice Satanic themed party to somehow rid ourselves of the “Only In Cleveland” storm cloud that seems to pour down on us every season.  I’ll gladly sell my soul to the devil if that can guarantee a championship. Being pretty soulless as it is, this is a no brainer.

So I’ll see you guy’s on Thursday before the Browns preseason game vs. the Redskins. I’ll be the guy dressed like this:

satanic ritual

Besides, all curses and rituals performed in Cleveland have worked 100% of the time, right?

PS- LOVE how we included the Gladiators and Lake Erie Monsters in there. Definitely needed them in there to make this ritual authentic and legit.

 

 

Mishmah- Meth lab inside a Taco Bell; Audio of Chris Farley as Shrek; College D-lineman squats 725 lbs

Cleveland pic of the day

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A couple of bros in Iowa are in trouble for creating a meth lab in the Taco Bell they worked at 

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Chris Farley was the original voice of Shrek. Here’s some old audio of him voicing the ogre. Pretty cool.

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College D-lineman squats an insane 725 lbs

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Awesome beer pong/golf trick shot

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Poor little girl gets kicked by a pony on live TV

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This DJ going nuts while he’s performing for 23 people has to be on some sort of drugs

Prisoners react predictably when drone drops drugs in Mansfield prison yard

Via Columbus Dispatch

“The drone deposited a package containing enough tobacco for seven packs of smokes, enough marijuana for about 70 joints and a dollop of heroin that could yield more than 100 doses at Mansfield Correctional Institution.

While the airborne delivery sparked a brawl as inmates tussled over the package, it didn’t ultimately reach its intended target. Corrections officers found it hidden in a rec-yard equipment room.

A report said a fight broke out between prisoners in the north recreation yard of the prison about the time the drone was determined to have dropped the drug package.

During the scuffle, the package was thrown over a fence from the north recreation yard to the south yard, where it was hidden in an equipment room, the report said. Officials also searched roofs for any other packages, but found none.

Corrections officers used pepper spray to douse the fighting and about 200 prisoners from both the north and south recreation yards were carefully searched before being returned to their cells.”


Tell you what…being in prison and having a drone fly over you and drop a shitload of drugs is just about as close to winning the lottery as you can get. There they are, rotting in the most miserable place imaginable with no joy or hope whatsoever when suddenly a mechanical angel appears and the one thing left on Earth that can make 99% of them happy starts raining down on their gross heads. That’d be like me sitting in my cube at 3:00 on a Wednesday afternoon and a Roomba bumps into my foot with a bottle of Jack Daniels taped to its back.

Also I know the cat in that video wants to make drones sound super complicated and difficult to use cause he’s an expert drone pilot cause he’s a nerd, but spoiler alert, there ain’t no high-rises in Mansfield, Ohio bub.

mans1

Now admittedly I’ve never flown one myself so I don’t know how hard they are to handle but I’ve never been more confident about anything in my entire life than I am when I say, you give me a drone and put me anywhere near that prison and that sucker is gonna end up in the recreation yard.

Kudos to whoever drew this plan up though. So much more comfortable than in someone’s butt.