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VIDEO: Mike Runs The Browns Conditioning Test While Drinking Beer… It Doesn’t Go Well

In order to make the Cleveland Browns and be eligible for training camp each player must pass a conditioning test specific to their position. Offensive & defensive linemen are a group. Linebackers, tight ends, and fullbacks comprise the second group. Defensive backs, wide receivers, and running backs make up the third group.

I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and see if I could cut it and not completely embarrass myself while attempting to pass the test. I didn’t think it would be too tough. I got in touch with a former Browns player (humblebrag city) and tried to iron out the times and distance the players had to run. No one currently with the Browns confirmed this was the test nor got back to me when I asked but I’m confident this is very similar to what the Browns players had to run last week.

I went into the test as a linebacker. The linebackers have to run two sets of ten 50 yard sprints with each sprint being under 6 seconds. Doesn’t sound TOO bad, right? Nah. It was. It was awful.

Instead of doing the test in just shorts and a t-shirt I decided to go the extra mile and wear shoulder pads, a helmet, eye black, a Browns jersey,  and a Deion Sanders bandana to top it off.

It didn’t end there. I’d also be drinking beer in between sprints akin to the “Beer Mile.” In hindsight this was a pretty dumb decision. It’s not exactly easy to run an all out sprint and then be rewarded with 12 ounces of Bud Light.

4 beers.

1 before the first sprint; the second after sprint 5; the third after sprint 10; and the fourth after sprint 15.

Some notes about the video

  • For the most part I was able to stick to the 30 second breaks in between sprints. I did take longer breaks for each beer however.
  • I had a lot of trouble with the fourth beer. That one took the longest to drink.
  • I can assure you that all beers were drank even though it doesn’t show it on tape.
  • We haven’t cut our backyard grass in like a month but before the test I took the lawnmower and buzzed a landing strip to sprint on.
  • Our yard fucking SUCKS. Holes everwhere. Surprised I didn’t break my ankle.
  • My second sprint was the only one that was actually under 6 seconds. By sprints 16 or 17 I was probably around 8 seconds. We stopped keeping time after #11. It got bad.
  • The video camera died after the first 10 sprints. The last 10 sprints are filmed on a phone, that’s why it may seem a little different.

In all this was a terrible decision and I don’t recommend it to anyone else.

“Hey Mike, what’d you do today?”

– “Oh nothing. Just made a video of me drinking beer and running sprints for my friends on the Internet.”

 

 

 

 

True Detective Reddit Recap: S2 E7 “Black Maps And Motel Rooms”

TD1

Episode 1: The Western Book of the Dead

Episode 2: Night Finds You

Episode 3: Maybe Tomorrow

Episode 4: Down Will Come

Episode 5: Other Lives

Episode 6: Church in Ruins


Texas forever! Unless you get freakin shot.  Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t forget to clear your corners Tim. So…Texas until you get shot in the back. God damnit.

I felt incredibly overwhelmed by BMAMR. The season as a whole has been pretty back-loaded in terms of a) each episode basically being 50 minutes of embellished dialogue followed by a cliffhanger and b) most of the pertinent info we’ve learned has come in the last couple weeks, but last night felt like when you’re taking a test and realize you have fifteen minutes left to answer 75 questions. Don’t get me wrong, I was still glued to the TV for the duration, but exchanges like our three heroes had in the motel before Paul met his match (who played Paul…..Raines in “24”. Nic P FTW) felt like a not-so-nuanced attempt at hyper-speed plot development. How’s that for a sentence.

Questions/Tidbits:

  • What a Tim Riggins-like performance Taylor Kitsch put on this season though. Nothing fancy or over the top, just good quality acting. Fullback dive, on one on one. I think that scene in his mom’s trailer where he realizes she took his money was the only time you even heard him raise his voice. Compare that to the emotion shown at various points by the other three. A very well executed contrast. The circumstances surrounding his death were pretty tragic if you give it some thought, something that doubled as a little Pizzolatto social commentary. All Paul needed to do was to be honest about who he was. Had he come out to people, those photos wouldn’t have meant anything which means Holloway and co. wouldn’t have had anything to hold over his head to force a meeting. Granted he most likely would have been killed anyway considering how close he was to blowing the investigation open but we’ll never know. And I can’t tell if he showed up to an obvious set up, knowing he was probably not making it out alive, for himself or for his family. Death was really the only way out of the fake life he was living since clearly telling the truth wasn’t an option. But it also would make things a lot easier for his fiance and child if he freed them from his existential burdens by dying. Maybe he did it for a little bit of both reasons. But he sure sounded like he knew what he was getting himself into during that last phone call with Ray.
  • This damned jewelry heist is hands down the most confusing thing in any TV show I’ve ever watched. My best attempt:
    • 1992 – LA Riots – Burris, Teague were cops in LA, Casper (think I’ve been spelling it Caspere this entire time, my B) was involved (accountant maybe?)
    • The three amigos knocked off a jewelry store located in Holloway’s district, stole those rare ass diamonds, made it look like a looter except executed the owners of the store (The Ostermanns)
    • The diamonds were then used (but not given to apparently, since Casper had them in his deposit box) as a buy-in with Mayor Chessani so all four of them would work cushy jobs in the city and be a part of the chain of corruption going on there
    • Two children from the photo are Laura and Leonard Ostermann, witnessed their parents murder while hiding in a display case

Towards the end of the episode, Vera, Ani’s missing chick, revealed that Casper’s assistant Erica’s real name is Laura. The overwhelming Reddit theory is that she is the Ostermann daughter and the photographer from the movie set, seen talking to her briefly when Ray and Ani paid a visit, is the son and possibly Birdman.

(/u/Ditcka)

Vera knew who Laura was from the parties, she was even in one of the photos that the dead hooker friend Tascha was using to try and blackmail party attendees. So this theory definitely makes sense. Casper gets overly cocky and brags about or shows the diamonds to a hooker, Laura sees or hears about it, changes her appearance to get the job as Casper’s assistant where she has access to all his personal information, her brother kills him as revenge for their parents’ murders. I do have a few questions.

  • They made it painfully clear that the rounds used by Birdman to shoot Ray were nonlethal, rounds that “cops use”. They said that line multiple times I think. Why would Leonard have access to police issued rounds? (Burris is another popular Birdman pick, and this part would back that up)
  • The kids in the ’92 photo look a lotttttttt like Chessani’s kids.

(/u/thriftydame)

  • Regardless of who the kids in the photo are, why did Teague never ascend any higher than detective while the other three involved in the diamond heist became probably the most powerful men in the city? Whatever the reason behind this is most likely why they deemed him expendable by sending him to and maybe even killing him on purpose during the shootout with the Mexicans.
  • Vince Vaughn said bye to all his h8ers this week. He finally got a couple awesome one-liners (“Look me in the eyes. I want to see your lights go out”) and was chillingly good during Blake’s last hurrah.

Something about that scene made me a little uneasy about his wife though. Wouldn’t that be icing on his cake of betrayal.

  • His grocery list of weapons includes two of almost everything. Looks like him and Nails are gearing up for a big one next week.

(/u/JohnnyDrama240)

Sort of reminds you of another main TV character gearing up for his final showdown:

(/u/hardboil3d)

Reddit Theories:

One more ‘sode. 90 minutes. Will Frank make it out alive? Will his man bun?

(/u/abscurat)

Cleveland.com Comments of the Week: 8/2/15

COTW

During my daily peruse for content on Cleveland.com, I sift through some of the comments and save a handful to share with you all once a week. So when you’re hungover and clinging to life on a Sunday morning, come on over to Bottlegate and let us talk you off the ledge.

Previous weeks: 6/21/156/28/157/6/157/12/157/19/157/26/15

First look: FWD club brings Vegas-style pool party to Cleveland Flats (photos)

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University of Akron president’s home renovations cost $950,000, records show

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Matthew Dellavedova, Cleveland Cavaliers agree to one-year deal

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Jimmy Haslam: ‘We’ve not at all given up on Johnny’ Manziel — and it doesn’t have to happen this year

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If you see a comment that needs to be shared with the world, tweet those over to @Bottlegate or shoot us an email at bottlegatecle@gmail.com.