Tag Archives: Cleveland Browns

Don’t worry, guys. There’s going to be a ritual downtown to lift the Cleveland sports curse

Via Cleveland Scene

On Aug. 13 at 7 p.m. (just before the Browns’ first preseason game against the Washington Redskins), a group of fans led by local psychic medium Andrew Keith will hold a 30-minute rally to attempt to lift the curse that’s plagued Cleveland’s sports teams.

The gathering will be organized by Dave Grendzynski, a lifelong Cleveland sports fan who’s convinced that Cleveland’s history of losses have been more than just bad luck.

The Indians, Browns and Cavaliers will be each be represented symbolically by some grass, dirt or other item from their home fields. The rally hopes to aid all Cleveland sports teams, so the Gladiators and the Lake Erie Monsters won’t be left out.


 

OH FUCK YES!

Goodbye curse! Goodbye 4-12 record! Goodbye Factory of Sadness! Goodbye mediocre football!

Hello winning; hello success; hello touchdowns; hello Super Bowl!

If there’s one thing this city hasn’t done to rid themselves of this “curse”  it’s gathering downtown and participating in some sort of black devil magic ritual.  I’ll gladly show up in robes and face paint and slaughter an animal if need be. If we need pig’s blood I know a farm a couple of cities away where I could get some. What I’m saying is that I’M SO IN.

Maybe this is all we’ve needed since 1964? Just a nice Satanic themed party to somehow rid ourselves of the “Only In Cleveland” storm cloud that seems to pour down on us every season.  I’ll gladly sell my soul to the devil if that can guarantee a championship. Being pretty soulless as it is, this is a no brainer.

So I’ll see you guy’s on Thursday before the Browns preseason game vs. the Redskins. I’ll be the guy dressed like this:

satanic ritual

Besides, all curses and rituals performed in Cleveland have worked 100% of the time, right?

PS- LOVE how we included the Gladiators and Lake Erie Monsters in there. Definitely needed them in there to make this ritual authentic and legit.

 

 

VIDEO: Mike Runs The Browns Conditioning Test While Drinking Beer… It Doesn’t Go Well

In order to make the Cleveland Browns and be eligible for training camp each player must pass a conditioning test specific to their position. Offensive & defensive linemen are a group. Linebackers, tight ends, and fullbacks comprise the second group. Defensive backs, wide receivers, and running backs make up the third group.

I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and see if I could cut it and not completely embarrass myself while attempting to pass the test. I didn’t think it would be too tough. I got in touch with a former Browns player (humblebrag city) and tried to iron out the times and distance the players had to run. No one currently with the Browns confirmed this was the test nor got back to me when I asked but I’m confident this is very similar to what the Browns players had to run last week.

I went into the test as a linebacker. The linebackers have to run two sets of ten 50 yard sprints with each sprint being under 6 seconds. Doesn’t sound TOO bad, right? Nah. It was. It was awful.

Instead of doing the test in just shorts and a t-shirt I decided to go the extra mile and wear shoulder pads, a helmet, eye black, a Browns jersey,  and a Deion Sanders bandana to top it off.

It didn’t end there. I’d also be drinking beer in between sprints akin to the “Beer Mile.” In hindsight this was a pretty dumb decision. It’s not exactly easy to run an all out sprint and then be rewarded with 12 ounces of Bud Light.

4 beers.

1 before the first sprint; the second after sprint 5; the third after sprint 10; and the fourth after sprint 15.

Some notes about the video

  • For the most part I was able to stick to the 30 second breaks in between sprints. I did take longer breaks for each beer however.
  • I had a lot of trouble with the fourth beer. That one took the longest to drink.
  • I can assure you that all beers were drank even though it doesn’t show it on tape.
  • We haven’t cut our backyard grass in like a month but before the test I took the lawnmower and buzzed a landing strip to sprint on.
  • Our yard fucking SUCKS. Holes everwhere. Surprised I didn’t break my ankle.
  • My second sprint was the only one that was actually under 6 seconds. By sprints 16 or 17 I was probably around 8 seconds. We stopped keeping time after #11. It got bad.
  • The video camera died after the first 10 sprints. The last 10 sprints are filmed on a phone, that’s why it may seem a little different.

In all this was a terrible decision and I don’t recommend it to anyone else.

“Hey Mike, what’d you do today?”

– “Oh nothing. Just made a video of me drinking beer and running sprints for my friends on the Internet.”

 

 

 

 

Our Final Edition of Offseason #PryorPorn Before Browns Training Camp Starts

Prior Pryor (lol) posts

Pryor’s first videos running routes

Pryor working with Randy Moss

Terrelle making a one handed catch on a post

Terrelle is working with Josh Gordon, Mike Evans, and Randy Moss

 

Welp. This is it. All the hard work Terrelle has been putting in (about 6 weeks) of learning and training for the wide receiver position comes down to this. As he heads into his first training camp at his new position, let’s do one last check in and see what he’s been up to.

 

He did some dumbbell lunges with chains on his body

https://instagram.com/p/5Z5xW-gFg0/?taken-by=terrellepryor

He laid on the ground and caught passes. I remember doing something like this in high school and I was God awful at it

https://instagram.com/p/5awXvMAFr3/?taken-by=terrellepryor

Took a picture and worked with Steve Smith at Randy Moss’s camp. Look at the height difference between Smith and Pryor. It’s nuts that a guy that short has had such a successful career.

https://instagram.com/p/5c9Kv-AFqS/?taken-by=terrellepryor

https://instagram.com/p/5dklwwgFhv/?taken-by=terrellepryor

THE NEW BIG 3 (someone get TP some pants)

https://instagram.com/p/5fflfHAFrq/?taken-by=terrellepryor

Front knot bandana swag

https://instagram.com/p/5k-11vgFgN/?taken-by=terrellepryor

And the last workout video he posted before camp consisted of him doing some sort of 1 legged toe touch dumbbell raise while getting hit with a pad. NO IDEA if this is even a tad effective but I’m immediately incorporating it into my workout regimen.

https://instagram.com/p/5pl15hAFsf/?taken-by=terrellepryor

Pryor is by far the most interesting storyline of training camp, let’s hope he can make the team and contribute this season. I’m definitely rooting for him.

https://instagram.com/p/5ugAihgFlq/?taken-by=terrellepryor